One year ago, it was a Saturday. I was recovering from my last heart broken and a psychosomatic flu. It was the first day I was not spying Facebook to see what message he had write. Instead, I had convinced Fredrik to join.
Lately we had started to become closer. We were chatting every day together. He had comforted me in my sorrow with infinite kindness. Immediatly, he became my confident. I guess that my story touched him. The classical story of someone stuck between two half relationships. I had came back with the father of my kids after a one year broke up. But … I still needed my secret farfar away love story to handel it. When this one ended, my life lost its false balance. The world seemt to have crashed. I wasn’t sure to be able to handel the life I had if I didn’t had this little sunshine to enlight reality. I decided to give up this time, - definitively, I though – to believe in romantism.
« You have done enough, Wendy ! » did I say to myself « Stop to dream ! Now it’s time to grow up. Focus on your partner, on your kids, on your family. And for what you are missing, go back to spirituality instead of falling in love. You had enough crush in your life. Now, you have done with this. Universal Love, that’s the real answer !»
We can say that I prevented myself to fall in love again. I strictly forbidden it to me. Instead, I started to do yoga, to read books, to meditate, and to pray…
My prayer was « Please, dear angels, allow me to enter in contact with you again. I‘ve understand. I want to stop this cycle of failed relationships, and falling in love. I want focus on Universal Love. ». The miraculous answer happened that Saturday.
I was supposed to visit my Hollander friend Andrea. Another friend was supposed to pick me up, and drive me there, in the middle of the country, but he resigned at last minute. I was tired, a little bit depressed still and the perspective of three hours of travel by train discouraged me. A last client came very late in the shop and made me miss my bus. Then I gave up my plan of travelling.
I wrote in Facebook : « Finaly, I’m not going to spent the week end in Holland :( »
Fredrik answered : « Too bad for Andrea, but good news for me ! »
In a way I could not explain to me, I was relieved. The sun was shining. The leaves had already taken their autumn colors of yellow and red, mixed with tender green. For the first time since the last weeks, I biked back home the hearth light. I felt that I would spent a nice week end on MSN.
Life is a chain of unpredictible events. Sometimes, the irony is so perfect, that its hard to believe that no entity is behind it.
When I came back on MSN, Fredrik asked me if Margret (his ex girlfriend) and Tuukka (a guildmate) were together. And then I felt really stupid ! I had insisted he made a Facebook accoumpt, and by doing so, he suddendly had access to all my pictures, including those of the Guild Meeting in London, where Margret met for the first time her finnish lover. There was nothing « wrong » with this story, but Fredrik didn’t know, and those who knew had been careful to not let him guess it. I felt suddendly extremly guilty, selfish, and fool ! I had hurt the one who was so nicely curing me?
So, I dropped MSN, get my GSM, and phoned him : « Hello Vizann, it’s me...Aozora. I’m so sorry. ».
Lately we had started to become closer. We were chatting every day together. He had comforted me in my sorrow with infinite kindness. Immediatly, he became my confident. I guess that my story touched him. The classical story of someone stuck between two half relationships. I had came back with the father of my kids after a one year broke up. But … I still needed my secret farfar away love story to handel it. When this one ended, my life lost its false balance. The world seemt to have crashed. I wasn’t sure to be able to handel the life I had if I didn’t had this little sunshine to enlight reality. I decided to give up this time, - definitively, I though – to believe in romantism.
« You have done enough, Wendy ! » did I say to myself « Stop to dream ! Now it’s time to grow up. Focus on your partner, on your kids, on your family. And for what you are missing, go back to spirituality instead of falling in love. You had enough crush in your life. Now, you have done with this. Universal Love, that’s the real answer !»
We can say that I prevented myself to fall in love again. I strictly forbidden it to me. Instead, I started to do yoga, to read books, to meditate, and to pray…
My prayer was « Please, dear angels, allow me to enter in contact with you again. I‘ve understand. I want to stop this cycle of failed relationships, and falling in love. I want focus on Universal Love. ». The miraculous answer happened that Saturday.
I was supposed to visit my Hollander friend Andrea. Another friend was supposed to pick me up, and drive me there, in the middle of the country, but he resigned at last minute. I was tired, a little bit depressed still and the perspective of three hours of travel by train discouraged me. A last client came very late in the shop and made me miss my bus. Then I gave up my plan of travelling.
I wrote in Facebook : « Finaly, I’m not going to spent the week end in Holland :( »
Fredrik answered : « Too bad for Andrea, but good news for me ! »
In a way I could not explain to me, I was relieved. The sun was shining. The leaves had already taken their autumn colors of yellow and red, mixed with tender green. For the first time since the last weeks, I biked back home the hearth light. I felt that I would spent a nice week end on MSN.
Life is a chain of unpredictible events. Sometimes, the irony is so perfect, that its hard to believe that no entity is behind it.
When I came back on MSN, Fredrik asked me if Margret (his ex girlfriend) and Tuukka (a guildmate) were together. And then I felt really stupid ! I had insisted he made a Facebook accoumpt, and by doing so, he suddendly had access to all my pictures, including those of the Guild Meeting in London, where Margret met for the first time her finnish lover. There was nothing « wrong » with this story, but Fredrik didn’t know, and those who knew had been careful to not let him guess it. I felt suddendly extremly guilty, selfish, and fool ! I had hurt the one who was so nicely curing me?
So, I dropped MSN, get my GSM, and phoned him : « Hello Vizann, it’s me...Aozora. I’m so sorry. ».
I think it’s the last time we used those names.
And so started the week end which changed my life. A chain of sad events which drove us to paradise. We talk the whole night together. I was alone, protected in the darkness of the living room. Everyone else was alseep. And me, I was discovering the sweetest person I ever met !
- Wendy
